10 ways to recognize our enormous ego

The ego is a huge entity that lives within us, controls us and pretends to be us.

Realizing this transformative truth is the first step towards consciously destroying our ego.

It might seem like an easy task at first, as each defines the ego in a different way. Some claim the ego is only about greed, therefore if we stop being greedy, we have successfully diminished our ego. Others link the ego to being dramatic or solely negative, so putting on a happy face would be a way to put down the ego.

However, just when we think we have come a long way, something will happen that will trigger our ego again. Only when the ego resurfaces, we realize that we did not destroy it, but that it was there all along, dormant.

Below are ten signs that show that not we, but our ego is still in control.

1. The urge to prove ourselves right.

When we engage in arguments, the ego continually has the urge to speak and prove others wrong.

One of the symptoms is an uncontrollable impatience when someone else is talking. Our pulse rises and we are eager to interrupt the other person. Making the other person feel he has lost an argument, gives our ego immense pleasure; most of the time we don’t stop until we reach that stage of satisfaction.

2. Not accepting criticism.

We live in a world where we are more likely to be criticized than complimented.

Someone might criticize our lifestyle, our habits, our body or even our way of talking. The ego instantly surfaces when we hear something that threatens our self-image.

As a defense, we subconsciously judge the other to be ignorant and unaware.

3. Impatience.

This might seem like a normal habit when in fact it is one of the ego’s sneaky traits.

The ego is in a constant rush. And though the universe tells us to slow down in many mysterious ways, we remain impatient in our endeavors. Inside each of us lies the voice of reason. Despite the fact that it is quite loud, we deliberately choose to ignore it and go ahead with what the ego is whispering.

4. Being dramatic.

The other day a friend of mine told me something which I find very true: “It’s sad how people always think that drama is what makes our life story. Everyone has a story to tell, why can’t it be a happy one?”

Our ego adores drama and just like my friend said, if we don’t have something hideous or depressing to tell, we consider our story insignificant.

One morning, the favorite cup we’ve been drinking from for the past six years might fall and break into pieces. We can get another cup, finish our tea peacefully and enjoy the change. Or we can curse our luck and lament the loss. The ego goes for choice number two.

5. Talking about ourselves at the wrong time.

Haven’t we all experienced, at least once in our life, that when a friend with a problem opens up to us and starts pouring out his heart, we project the problem onto our own and end up telling our story instead of listening to our friend? Notice the first thing we say upon hearing about someone else’s issues: “The same happened to me!”

We subconsciously think we are helping by telling we were in that same situation before. But the truth is that our ego is tricking us into becoming a victim with a problem again.

The best thing to do in such cases, is go light on our own words. We should pause for a moment before going on about our own problem. We should try to forget about telling our story and instead listen to the other person’s story and give them some direct advice.

6. Holding grudges against someone.

Life is a series of disappointments; it is a fact which we can’t ignore. Not everyone is kind to us and not everyone treated us the way we deserve. Yet, forgiving those who did that to us is a solid test to see if our ego is actually still in control.

Sometimes we think that we have reached a stage of utter peace with everyone. But in time, an event, often a disappointment of some kind, will happen and to pinch us awake to prove us wrong.

The ego loathes forgiveness. It can’t take being rejected, ignored, unloved, disrespected or taken for granted. Therefore we hold grudges and turn a deaf ear to the voice of reason which is saying out loud: “forgive.”

7. Thinking we’re omniscient.

“The wise speaks less” is an aphorism I highly believe in. If we think we’re knowledgeable and publicly claim it, we most likely are not. No one is a know-it-all. No matter how much experience we have or how many books we read, it is highly unlikely we will ever reach the stage of exaltation.

The ego despises humbleness. Therefore believing that we are all born the same is a hazardous threat to the ego’s identity.

8. Competing to be the best.

This problem has serious effects on mankind. It has driven people away from their real goals and their real dreams. Sometimes our dream is different than our friend’s, a family member’s or even a celebrity’s! But we are unaware that our ego has the urge to compete with other people’s careers and dreams.

As a result we end up doing something we don’t really like just because we think that our true goal is inferior in other people’s eyes.

9. Blaming others.

Imagine a world in which people admit where they went wrong. How beautiful would that world be?

Our ego hates to take responsibility for any of its wrongdoings. Hence we put the blame on others and convince ourselves that we are absolutely right.

10. Thinking we are not good enough.

Everyone’s personality and character is a mixture of positive and negative traits.

I can wake up one day, look into the mirror and say that I’m kind, good to others, a good friend, thoughtful and generous. While the next day I feel I’m unstable, stubborn, selfish, not good enough and not trustworthy.

The ego would definitely not emphasize the benign traits. Again, it needs a story to tell, and in order to tell that story it needs proof to support its statement. Thinking we are not good enough is an excuse that our ego creates to stop us from thriving in our life. It prevents us from going forwards; its main aim is to keep us where we are.

Despite being an enormous entity, the ego can be very sneaky. It takes time to deal with it and acknowledge it. Only once we are aware of its destructive patterns, do we stop procrastinating improvement.

The first step is recognizing its ruthlessness, the second is paying attention to when it arises and third is willing to no longer succumb to its powers.

This article can also be found on Elephant Journal. 

Are you a traveler or a tourist?

A “traveler” and a “tourist” are just titles that we give to people who travel. At the end of the day both had the courage to book a ticket and step outside their comfort zone. Some would even have the nerve to say that a traveller is a ‘pretentious tourist’. Regardless, we can’t deny that there are some fairly major differences that distinguish a traveller from a tourist.

1. Planning.

When it comes to planning, a tourist has almost everything planned. Be it the places or the hotel, all is considered in advance.

On the contrary, a traveler has almost nothing planned. It is in the nature of travelers to plunge in the element of surprise and uncertainty. Exploring alone without any agency or someone’s help is key for a traveler.

2. Connection with the locals.

Tourists roughly connect with locals due to many reasons. The main reason is the places they visit which are practically touristic–which means they are abundant in foreigners but deficient in locals.

The secondary reason is their lack of interest to actually meet locals–mainly because they don’t have enough time; they rather focus on the places and the history of the country than its people.

While tourists merely meet locals, travelers’ utmost interest is connecting with them. First they have enough time and second it is part of the whole traveling experience.

Somehow, travelers will need locals along their way and this in return will indirectly allow them to meet them. Being sort of nomads and far from planning, they need to ask about certain locations, transportation means and guest houses. And who does it better than a local?

3. Tourist places.

Tourists visit touristic places due to their cultural value. Since they don’t have enough time to explore all the country’s pivotal point attractions, they choose the ones with the most historical significance.

Travelers mainly stay away from those typical places as they love to visit locations not really explored.

4. Immersing in the culture.

Tourists try to immerse in the country’s culture as much as they can with the amount of time they have. They do it out of experience and curiosity.

Travelers do it out of experience and curiosity as well yet they love to delve in it more as it becomes an inherent part of them. It isn’t just an experience that passes by for travelers.

Whether the food, the language, the lifestyle or the clothes which locals wear, travelers become part of the culture even after leaving the country.

5. Goals are different.

As I mentioned above, both travelers and tourists book a ticket to travel to a different time zone; this, is solely fantastic. But each one of them is doing it for different purposes.

This point in fact, depends on the person. But mainly, everyone needs to travel to have some sort of an escape, to experience being alive again and to taste irreplaceable freedom.

Tourists travel and do experience the above yet as soon as the vacation is over they get back to the life they had before getting on the plane.

Travelers on the other hand not only experience escape, life and freedom, but they use it in order to change their life. Most of them do not get back to the life they lived before; there will be major altering in their lifestyles.

6. Time traveled.

Tourists usually have little time when abroad. It can range from seven to 20 days. They can’t travel more than this duration in one single month as they have jobs and responsibilities to get back to.

Travelers don’t set time for their trips. They can range from weeks to months without any specific date to return.

7. The look tells a lot.

You can always differentiate a traveler from a tourist.

Tourists usually dress the way they do in their hometown. You see them holding cameras, guides and maps. And more obviously they are rarely alone; usually with groups or at least with three other persons.

Travelers most of the time dress more loosely than tourists and mostly like locals. They never rely on guides and rarely on maps; their best guide are the locals. Few are the travelers who travel in large groups as they don’t deal with any agencies. They either go alone or with one or two individuals who fit into their lifestyle.

After all, you are the only one who can decide whether you wish to be a traveler or a tourist. Either way, it doesn’t really matter as long as travel brings you happiness and change.

At the end of the day, those who travel aren’t seeking to arrive at a particular destination somewhere in the world; their only true destination is inner transformation and peace.

This article can also be found on Backpackr. 

8 Lessons that travel teaches you

We all know that travelling is transformative. We simply can’t deny that travel teaches us what college never did–and never will. The lessons are endless yet there are eight which I cannot but tackle.

1- Independence.

When you are away from home, you are basically away from friends, family and every other person you know. You don’t have someone to call if you’re in trouble or sick; you are on your own. This might seem like a spooky idea at first, but once experienced it is highly beneficial. When you have no one or anything around to be dependent on, you learn to become independent yourself.

2- Change is vital.

To travel is to change. Whether it’s your bed or your whole country, there is an enormous change that it’s taking place. This in return, will let you see how life operates. Everything changes but we always resist it and try to take control over things. Be it ourselves or life situations, we constantly seek the old habits. Travel teaches you that it’s beautiful to experience change and once you do, you will instantly adapt, seeking more change in return.

3- Fear is a liar.

When you are experiencing an adventure outside your country, there is no place for fear. To fear is not to live your journey fully. When you travel you learn how much courageous you can be and your capabilities will constantly keep on shocking you.

4- Countries aren’t what people think they are.

Before travelling to Nepal this year, I was getting the same comments from almost everyone. They kept telling me how much dangerous the country was and how unsafe it is for a girl to go there. The negative thoughts which people tried to implement in my head instantly dropped the moment I set foot in Nepal.

Nepal is the most peaceful country one can ever be in. The locals are very friendly and I felt safer than home. Never believe someone who tells you about a country he never visited. Go and experience if for yourself.

5- Connecting with the other side of the world.

When you travel, you will meet local people and be introduced to their traditions. Once introduced to another culture than yours, you can’t but bond and connect with it. In return, it teaches you respect and appreciation to what they have. Connecting with locals and living with them is worth a hundred book of geography.

6- Adapting.

If you are a backpacker or a nomadic traveler, you will undoubtedly know what I’m talking about. Not all food will be tasteful and not all beds will be comfortable. Most of the days which a backpacker will encounter won’t be as expected–yet it doesn’t stop him.

When you travel–or mainly backpack–you will learn how to adapt to the worst conditions. When you do, you learn how to let go and utterly enjoy everything.

7- Living the moment.

The most exquisite thing about travelling is having no past or future. You are feverishly living your moment–something we are troubled with in our daily life. When on an adventure, you tend to enjoy every moment without worries or fears. The noisy pattern of thinking decreases and you find yourself delightfully basking in what life is throwing your way.

8- The person who set foot on foreign lands isn’t the same one who returned home.

As simple as this: Travel will change you; you won’t be the same person you were before. Every ticket you are buying, is basically another lesson for you.

This article can also be found on Backpackr.