7 Tips for meditation that actually work

People are being drawn into meditation now more than ever.

Whether done with a teacher or alone, we are always bewildered—we wonder if our meditation is fruitful and question if we’re doing it the right way.

Here are seven tips to start with before practicing your meditation.

1. Understand what meditation is.

Before sitting in Samadhi, we must understand it.

Meditating without understanding the purpose is like taking a course at a university without knowing what the talks are about.

Don’t listen to how other people are defining meditation. Experience it yourself.

The best cultivation we can get concerning this subject is from someone with a Buddhist background—the real purpose of meditation is understood by them. You can read books written by spiritual teachers or sit with a Buddhist monk/nun if you know any or crossed paths with them.

2. Don’t force yourself to meditate.

Meditation shouldn’t be turned into a homework that we despise doing; on the contrary, it must be something that we enjoy practicing.

If you wake up one day not being able to sit in Samadhi, then simply don’t.

Meditating—or any other activity, for that matter—if not done with love and enthusiasm, will sabotage the results and make the activity unenjoyable and elusive.

3. Set your goal.

Once we understand what meditation is and we’re comfortable doing it without pressure, it’s time to set our goal. You should ask yourself the following questions:

- Why am I meditating?

- How will meditation benefit me?

- How will meditation benefit people around me?

- Am I doing it for myself or for others? Or maybe both?

Realizing our true aim for meditation is vital.

Besides helping to get a better understanding of meditation, it will also help increase the desire to meditate—especially if for someone who is easily de-motivated.

4. Don’t force your mind too much.

The mistake most people make while meditating is expecting the mind to instantly become silent.

The mind is never still, it is in constant noise.

We shouldn’t try to silence that voice that’s always running in our head. Our mind is not a person, therefore commanding it to shut-up is like expecting a radio to lower its own volume on its own.

The secret is very simple: watch the thoughts instead of asking them or waiting for them to leave. Imagine that thoughts are like a bunch of batteries that will soon die. We should be the listener, see what’s going through our mind and don’t force it too much, or else it will become more noisy.

Once alert, watch how thoughts come in and out—they will decrease.

With no time, we can realize that this voice in our heads is just an illusion. Once we know that it’s powerless, we will be able to peacefully sit in Samadhi.

5. Don’t change your breathing.

Our breathing during meditation should be very light. Not too weak, not too strong. Not too short—not too long. If we try to alter our breathing or take control over it, we have lost the essence of meditation.

All we have to do is pay attention to our breathing.

Forget the rest of the body and only focus on the breath. We have to feel the air coming in from the tip of the nose all the way to the abdomen and then vice versa.

Don’t force it, let it be natural.

6. Know that the result is beyond words.

Meditation is not an accomplishment which we will later receive an award for.

At the beginning, we tend to ask questions abundantly. We will feverishly wait for tangible results and perhaps quit meditation if we haven’t seen any with time.

Meditate as if there is no outcome or result waiting somewhere in space and time. We will feel the results once we start meditating correctly, our questions will dwindle.

7. Be patient.

Patience is key in everything we do in life. It plays a major role in meditation, for we are dealing with an enormous entity called the “mind”.

Meditation is not something that can be accomplished over night ; it will take us months and years before starting to understand how to quietly sit in Samadhi.

Do not lose hope or quit too soon. Be patient and know that everyone is capable of meditating.

Meditation is one of the best tools to step into the realm of consciousness. Meditation not only charges us with enormous cosmic energy but it also helps us to find what lies behind our bodies and existence.

It helps us develop awareness and step away from the continuous destructive dialogue that is always running in our heads.

Once we are freed from that internal voice, we will tap into being. Besides the mind-body benefits, meditation offers us the greatest gift of all: inner peace and calmness. Something we all crave.

Editor: Emma Ruffin

This article can also be found on Elephant Journal.

The problem is we don't believe we're going to die

“Everyone knows they’re going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently.” ~ Morrie Schwartz

Morrie said this from his death bed.

He was diagnosed with ALS, a terminal neurological disease that left him unable to even wear his own glasses. Words from a man who knows he has no more than five months to live, make us think deeply about life and death.

Looking at the world, we aren’t operating the way we must. Our most incessant problems reside within ourselves.

We worry too much.

We don’t take chances.

We exchange our dreams for big amounts of paychecks.

We hold grudges.

We procrastinate almost everything in our life and the result is one: in a few years we find ourselves way behind our youth and quote what Morrie Schwartz once said.

The problem is that we do not believe we are going to die.

We surely have the idea in our heads but it’s not mature enough to make us realize the impermanence of all compounded things.

So, what does this have to do with living?

Let’s suppose you were offered to spend one day in the house of your dreams. This house doesn’t necessarily have to be built of gold or furnished with the most expensive style. It might be an empty vintage house with only walls and a dusty floor—whatever it looks like, you have always dreamt of visiting this house.

However, you are told that you will be the last visitor as they will burn the house down the very next day.

Basically, you have 24 hours to spend a day in a house which will vanish forevermore. Once there, you will take every chance to explore all its corners and hidden secrets. You will step into the same room twice just so you can keep a virtual memory of it. You will meditate on the beautifully created ceiling and engross yourself in the exquisite smell of its stones.

Bottom line, you are technically benefiting from every moment for you know you’ll never have this chance ever again—the house is going down. You realize the impermanence of the house, therefore you truly live your present moment in it.

This is how we perceive things. The house is our life which is vanishing in any given moment (Morrie was lucky enough to actually know the time he had left). And instead of making the most out of it, we are undoubtedly making the worst out of it because in the back of our heads resides a thought of permanence.

Quoting Morrie Scwartz again, he says:

“The truth is, once you learn how to die, you’ll learn how to live.”

What’s actually happening is the opposite: we are trying to live and denying death. But have we ever thought that maybe if we keep the thought of death—impermanence—in our minds, we might actually start to live?

Listed are three points to help us overcome the subconscious thought of permanence and start our day as if it’s the last one on earth.

1. Watch impermanence everywhere.

To overcome the illusion of permanence, we must first acknowledge and observe impermanence so we can relate to it. This is not hard at all since it’s everywhere.

You can start by watching nature and animals. Flowers bloom during spring only to wither and die in winter. Trees look fascinating during summer but lifeless just a couple of months later.

A cat dies when crossing the road and millions of ants are being stepped on every day.

Even if you haven’t paid attention to this, you definitely noticed the amount of funerals you attend yearly. Humans just like you and I, are tucked away in coffins only to be forgotten few years later.

Take your life itself as an immense example. Your closet doesn’t have the same clothes it had five years ago. The job you are in wasn’t the same as last year’s. Your haircut changed at least twice during the past couple of months.

The list is abundant for impermanence resides everywhere; even in the silliest thing. All we have to do is pay attention to it then reflect it on ourselves.

When we see how everything will disintegrate, we will start to appreciate more, take chances more and love more.

Exercise: Dedicate a day for watching impermanence.

From the moment you wake up in the morning, start looking at everything as if it’s vanishing the very next day. While wearing your shoes, imagine that these shoes will become useless one day and you will throw them away. Indirectly, when you think of this, you will find pleasure in wearing the shoes like you never did before.

You can apply this exercise on everything. Not only will you develop an awareness of impermanence, you will abundantly enjoy everything and engross yourself in the present moment.

2. Apply the law of impermanence to your fellow human beings.

Just as we think our years are of longevity, we as well reflect it on others. This is the core issue of holding grudges, not appreciating certain people in our lives, developing hatred and losing people we took for granted.

We always tend to assume that our second chance is right the next door, but this isn’t the case.

Take an example of close people who have passed away. The moment we realize there is no second chance to see them again, we sink in the ocean of regrets. We regret not seeing them more often or loving them more or maybe seeing them more, only to remember that they are already gone and nothing can bring them back again.

And it’s not only about people who crossed over to another dimension, it’s about people who are still alive and taking them for granted. It can be a friend, a family member, a lover, a neighbor or someone you just met last night.

Whoever he or she is, we are operating with them out of a belief of permanence. We would like to believe that this person is immortal and we have enough time to love him and appreciate him.

Exercise: Look at everyone with eyes of impermanence.

As you walk out the door, kiss your mother or father goodbye as if you’ll never see them again.

Think of that one friend or lover whom you sabotaged your relationship with just for egocentric or silly reasons. Imagine yourself in their funeral and see what you will feel at that very moment.

This exercise not only helps in developing compassion towards others but it also helps us to regard ourselves as one with them.

3. Chase that dream of yours.

Just last week I booked my one way ticket to Asia for an unknown journey. Most of the people I’m encountering are telling me the same thing: “I wish I could do it.”

I said this line to myself for the past five years and I only grew unhappier and more miserable. And I know that I’ll never do it if I don’t do it now.

Just as I can come up with millions of excuses to keep myself safe in my own hometown and my own career, I can as well come up with millions of ways to make a dream of mine come true.

Only when we lose everything do we realize that there is nothing more to lose. And this is when we die to life and its situations and tap into living.

Exercise: Whatever you are delaying, is only eating at you.

My dream might be different than yours but we are sharing the same enthusiasm. Think of Morrie Schwartz and put yourself in his shoes.

Imagine dedicating your life to the wrong pursuits. Maybe you spent all your years working, making money and worrying about other’s happiness and comfort, only to find yourself in your sixties dying of ASL. Now where did all your money go? Probably hospitals and medications.

There are many reasons that keep us from doing what we truly want to do. Fear is one of them, worrying is another and lack of faith is the major one.

Try applying the law of impermanence and see how your perspective on things will change. Every single day remember that house of your dreams which you only have 24 hours to be in. You don’t want to lose one single second taking it for granted.

If we don’t take that life too seriously, we will be utterly liberated. Only then we will enjoy every moment and let go of our past conditioning.

Let impermanence be your daily good news!

Apprentice Editor: Kim Haas / Editor: Cat Beekmans

This article can also be found on Elephant Journal. 

Morrie not able to wear his own glasses

6 Things vegetarianism has taught me

The number of vegetarians is increasing daily all around the world.

People become vegetarians for many reasons. One reason however brings all vegetarians together: realizing the truth about the meat industry.

I have been a vegetarian for two years now and the main cause behind my dietary shift was to be more healthy. After realizing the antibiotics, toxins and the hundreds of other diseases that meat is packed with, I didn’t hesitate to take the path of vegetarianism.

At first, my reasons were clearly health oriented but as I stepped further into my new lifestyle, I have experienced countless other reasons which made me stick to my new way of life.

The following are six major areas of the life of a vegetarian:

1- Being a vegetarian is challenging.

We are dependent on meat and we won’t realize the abundance of this dependency until we spend a day without it. Depending on meat comes from our ancestors; they considered it a very crucial part of their daily diet.

And to stop this habit is challenging. Vegetarians must constantly eat food which is rich in protein and B-12, which are the most pivotal components in meat. Keeping this habit is hard at first, especially when we are used to eating chicken or meat whenever we feel hungry.

As a person who loves challenge and organization, I simply enjoy waking up every morning and deciding which food I am going to eat for the day. I enjoy calculating the weekly intake of proteins and Omega-3 and crossing off my list what I did or didn’t have each week.

2- The quality of energy in my body has changed.

There’s a quote that says “you are what you eat” and I didn’t really understand what it meant until I stepped away from the meat industry.

I can still remember how I used to feel after having a meal of chicken, meat or fish. I felt as if food was literally sitting in my esophagus. I felt really tired and I used to nap or just lay on the couch for hours waiting to digest. This, in return, used to turn me anxious and stressed.

The tables turned when I stopped having chicken and meat; I suddenly felt lighter. Digestion no longer tired me like before and I could do any activity after eating because I wasn’t unpleasantly full.

Linda McCartney, the animal rights activist once said, “If slaughterhouses had glass walls, we would all be vegetarians.”

Everybody knows that animals are not ignorant; they are emotional and intelligent creatures. Therefore they do feel pain and terror when they are dragged off to be slaughtered. Imagine knowing you will die in five minutes as someone leads you along by the neck. How would you feel? Of course, you would feel sadness, anger, fear and every other negative emotion.

This is exactly what the chicken or the cow is feeling before being slaughtered. And who’s sucking up all of these  negative emotions? We are when we eat the meat. No wonder we don’t feel very satisfied or pleasant after having a meal full of chicken, for instance.

On the other hand, the vegetables, grains and fruits we are enjoy are imbued with the sun’s energy, which is the strongest and cleanest energy on earth. Therefore we feel light and digest in an uncomplicated way.

3- Not following the norm.

The problem with most of the people in the world today is that they are wearing a blindfold and walking with the rest of the sheep. When we see everybody in the universe doing one thing, we assume it is the right way of doing it regardless of our own view.

People have eaten meat for many thousands of years. We see our family following a certain way of eating and so we follow it ourselves. Becoming a vegetarian is stepping out of the norm. It’s having your own views and making your own decisions even if they are far different from those of your family and community.

4- Feeling compassionate towards animals.

Certain people become vegetarian for this common reason and others just because it’s healthier. As I said, I am doing this for health reasons. Yet, with time, when you stop eating another creature’s rotten meat, you tend to feel compassion and love towards all kinds of animals. This may lead to learning what happens in factory farms and slaughterhouses.

And once you know the truth about the meat industry and how animals are treated there, the meat you are chewing is no longer enjoyable like before.

5- Love of cooking.

I am someone who hated cooking years ago. I imagined myself doing anything in this world but cooking! Yet when I became a vegetarian––in a family which still consumes meat––it was a bit hard to prepare more than two meals a day (one for me and one for the rest of the family).

This was a push for me to actually step into the kitchen and start learning. It was borne out of necessity, but soon became a passion of mine.

Vegetarianism taught me how to cook. With time, it turned into a beautiful routine to discover new recipes that include the entire daily intake of the essential nutrients my body should consume.

6- Affecting other people.

Everywhere in the world when one individual is doing something unusual you will see other individuals getting involved. Maybe I couldn’t affect people to actually become vegetarians, but I did indirectly affect them by shedding light on the matter.

I remember the consuming of meat in my house was way higher two years ago. Now my family is more attentive to how much fish or chicken they have.

Same goes for my friends who go out with me. They find themselves having less meat or none at all. And the beautiful thing about it is that I never open the subject unless someone asks me how or why I decided to become a vegetarian. Therefore, people are being affected by simply watching my way of life and seeing the immense benefits.

Editor: Travis May

This article can also be found on Elephant Journal.  

The pros and cons of Holi Festival

The Holi festival, also known as the festival of colors, is a Hindu religious festival where people celebrate colors, love and spring.

According to the legend, “Holi” is derived from the word “Holika.” Holika is the sister of Prahlad, who is the son of the demon king Hiranyakashyap. Hiranyakashyap attempted to kill his own son for not worshiping him.

The legend ends by Holika saving her brother from their father’s cruelty with the blessing of Lord Naarayana. Therefore, Holi is originally celebrated as a festival of victory of good over evil.

Holi is celebrated all over the world, but mainly in Nepal and India where it originated. The celebration is pouring water and colors all over each other. It is mainly done by exchanging greetings as, “Happy Holi” and applying colors on the face or the body while doing so.

This year, Holi took place on March 16th across Nepal and India and as I spent one month in Nepal, I planned my trip accordingly. I have got to say that being part of the Holi festival in Nepal was one of the most astonishing experiences I have ever had.

The whole country prepares itself one day before the festival. When you wake up the next morning, you can see that all the stores and offices are closed in order to celebrate this festival––and of course to save their commodities and wares from the colored powder.

As much as I enjoyed it, at particular moments the festival got me pretty frustrated. If you’re attending Holi festival next year or anytime in the near future, you must acknowledge the reality of being there during this time.

The Pros:

Playing with colors is fun. Painters will undoubtedly know what I mean. As a painter myself, I utterly enjoy the feel of paint on my hands. Imagine you have an endless background of play that is full of colors. The sight of it is solely breathtaking. You will feel like a child again, running all over the streets pouring powder on other people and running away from the heavy bags of water. It’s like a colorful battlefield and you are six again!

You feel one with everyone else. In our daily life we tend to operate on a duality basis. When someone passes across the street, we exchange those arrogant looks and create a whole judgmental scenario in our heads. During the Holi festival you won’t witness this kind of behavior whatsoever. Everyone is friends with everyone else and nobody is selective in their play; at the end of the day, you will meet more people than you can imagine.

You will experience true letting go. When we first went down on the street, we were indirectly protective. I remember I shouted at a local guy who poured the very first color on my shirt. And as we walked the next 15 minutes, I noticed that I left all my rings, bracelets and necklaces on—including my Mala. But once I observed how the locals were enjoying the moment, not really minding where the colors were sprouted, I truly let go and enjoyed the moment myself. Letting go and getting immersed in the experience is what truly made it beautiful.

You will feel unity. The greatest thing about the Holi festival is seeing unity all around. Unlike how the world is currently operating, you can actually see people with the same happiness sharing the same experience. It was immense to see how colors and joy can reunite a whole country.

The streets look magical when Holi ends. If there is one thing I truly enjoyed when the Holi ended it’s the street. You will literally see the country painted and as you walk you will feel yourself walking in a Renaissance painting. As a result of washing the road with all the colors sprouted on it, it will magically take the color of purplish red.

The Cons:

The play can get really vulgar. I honestly didn’t see that coming as we were moving forward to Durbar Square. Despite the fact that running away from water bags is fun, it is as dangerous as hell. As you walk down the street, you will catch heavy bags of water being thrown by the local women from the rooftops. I literally felt I was fighting in a battlefield; I remember holding my head between my hands and hiding in building entrances every five steps.

The color black is not as friendly as you think it is. The colors which the locals will sell you are mainly yellow, purple, blue, orange, red and green. But somehow, you will see local gangs all dressed the same, with the color black and they will try their best to attack you with it. I, myself, was attacked with it many times and pouring more colors on top of it won’t help decrease it in any way. If not from the teeth, I wouldn’t be seen.

The shower that follows the Holi festival. It was the longest and hardest shower I ever took in my entire life. I spent almost two-and-a-half hours trying to remove colors off my body. And the sad news is that they won’t be removed completely. The powder on my nails stuck there for a month and even after a couple of months I was finding red and green on my hair. The second bit of sad news is how the bathroom will look like after the shower––you will be present in another Renaissance painting––and cleaning it is a great hustle.

The streets can get really slippery. I recall that I almost fell many times and I didn’t realize how dangerous that was until I read the newspaper the second day. One local girl died as a result of slipping and one boy fell off the roof of his house as he was throwing bags of water from up above.

Lethargy is what you will feel after the festival. After many hours of play and two-and-a-half hours in the shower, you will be drained of energy. I spent the next day resting in my room…actually the next two days.

Tips if you’re attending a Holi festival:

• Wear something which you won’t be wearing again.
• Wear something white as the colors will stick on it and give a fantastic piece of art later.

• Keep the clothes you wore as a memory. For more exquisite results, wash them; they will give a vintage effect and then you can wear them again.

• Close your eyes and mouth when someone is pouring powder on your face. The taste can get really nasty and your vision will go blurry.

• If you’re celebrating Holi in the East and don’t wish to be sprouted with water, just say to whoever is approaching you “no water please.”

• Do not take your phone or digital camera with you, unless they are protected and covered. The best camera to bring down is a Gopro.

• You will find the powder being sold by the locals all over the street. One bag is around 65RPS; which is equal to 0.65$ in Nepalese Rupee and 1$ in Indian Rupee.

The Holi festival in 2015 is taking place on March 6th across Nepal and India. Enjoy the experience!

Editor: Travis May

This article can also be found on Elephant Journal.

Holi Festival at Kathmandu, Nepal March 2014

Don't fall in love. Be in love.

Lovers worldwide ponder the question of whether their relationship is on the right track or not.

Once the answers are found they somehow seem elusive. We go on reading articles that tackle love, watch movies that might inspire us or buy a magazine with the big headline spice up your love life.

We keep on treating love like the past generations did and act upon what our subconscious mind had acquired. Before we know it the relationship promptly takes a whole different path and all of a sudden everything that our partner is doing seems scant. In no time we blame our significant other and ourselves, we curse our luck and instantly identify with drama.

And once we look back at our own failed relationships we can clearly see that back at the time something have gone awry. The matter seems too thorny to deal with therefore we jump from one relationship to another hoping we find that perfect mate and live with him forever more in Shangri-La.

But do we ever wonder why the path we took in the first place was wrong? We probably don’t. I’m not being a pioneer here but I think it’s time to look at this matter with a whole different perspective.

Realize that the first stages of love are always euphoric.

Falling vs. being.

Looking at the word falling let’s try to see the hidden meaning behind it. Defined by all dictionaries, fallingmeans the movement downwards towards a lower position. Being, on the other hand, means remaining in a specific state.

Now let’s assign this to relationships. The first stages of a relationship are always referred to as euphoric. The euphoria at the beginning of every love story is undoubtedly beautiful but only if approached with caution.

When we fall in love we practically fall into deep sleep. We create an illusory bond between us and our partner. Frequently this bond is self-created and based on emotions mixed with blind sentiments.

Everything based on emotions will eventually disintegrate. Emotions or blind sentiments do not exist they are only a reaction influenced by the brain. Whether it takes months or years those sentiments––the euphoric stage––will come to an end. If we were not aware of euphoric stage ending we will be surprised when we notice that things have changed drastically in the relationship.

The giver will wake up from a dreamy state and realize that he might have given too much and giving more will only clash with his current not-so-loving feelings. In conclusion, he will rise from the fall.

The beloved will feel a sense of lacking, insecurity and a strong need for his partner to satisfy his needs. He, himself, will rise from the fall as well.

When the exquisite euphoria comes to an end the relationship takes one of three roads: it either ends, jumps into the fighting/restorative stage or it crosses into the conscious path.

Crossing into the conscious path.

So euphoria is nothing but a glimpse which our mind and emotions would love to hold on to. Mainly it gives partners two major satisfactions: first ego satisfaction and second personal satisfaction. The amount of attention we get at the beginning of the relationship can boost our ego greatly. And all the caring and compromises will fulfill our personal needs in a blink of an eye.

If love is not about passion nor about feelings then what is it about?

After a whole bunch of experience, close observations and inspiration I have come to the conclusion that love is a choice.

You choose to love someone.

Again, I am not referring to love here as a set of emotions.

When you choose to love that person you technically choose to stay with him after that the euphoric stage has passed. And this is when real love will flourish. All of the intimacy, the love, the respect, the compromise and the trust,will come from your inner-being and not from your emotions.

How to love someone consciously is an art which people must learn to skill. It’s about time to unlearn what we have acquired in this field. Whether from our society, from Hollywood, from our friends, our parents or the wrong assumptions of ourselves, we must drop it and step into the conscious path of love.

Here are 10 major points for shifting any unconscious relationship to one that is full of light.

1. You are not perfect and neither is your partner.

I regard this as a very pivotal point to the relationship’s growth. If you look at your own relationship you will instantly realize that, unconsciously you expect your partner to be perfect.

Whether in his actions, his personal being or the way he/she is dealing with you, you have set an image of your partner in your own head–a perfect one–and you want him/her to act accordingly.

There is a beautiful verse in the bible that says,

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in yours?” ~Matthew 7:3-5.

Why do we have to look for the flaws in our partner and dismiss ours?

We are not perfect and in order to let our love flourish we must accept each other the way we are. And once we do accept, any change that occurs afterwards will be done willingly by both parties.

2. You don’t own your partner and your partner doesn’t own you.

Couples must understand that they don’t own each other. Having the sense of controlling your partner’s life might feel like love, but it isn’t. Again, it’s resulting from your emotions of insecurity and the fear of losing your partner, not forgetting how much our ego admires the art of hijacking.

A conscious love is a conscious trust in your significant other. When you trust him/her you deliberately let him be. In return you can be as well.

3. Your partner can’t complete you. You only complete yourself.

The number one mistake couples make in a relationship is expecting the other person to provide them completeness and happiness. Some people might even get into a relationship just for this reason. And as soon as they realize that the feeling of being complete won’t be accomplished they leave the relationship just to start a new one with a new illusion.

Before we start any kind of union with anyone we must know who we are. Once we know who we are, the man or the woman who comes into our lives will feel a great sense of relief. They won’t have to worry about how to keep our happiness in check and, in return, we won’t have to worry about their happiness either.

When we teach ourselves to be unconditionally happy alone the presence of other people will bring us more happiness.

4. Fights result from your ego.

There is no perfect relationship. The main reason is because there are no perfect human beings. Imagine you are putting oil and water in one glass hoping they mix. This is the case in relationships. Every single one of us is different from the other; therefore the union of two people is always like oil and water. They can never mix but they can only float on each other’s surface.

Mistakes will happen and may sometimes lead to fights. But before fighting and identifying with pain know where your attack is coming from.

Eckhart Tolle says in one of his books,“True love has no opposite”.

Think about this before attacking your partner, blaming him or judging him. Love doesn’t fight, love forgives, forgets and moves on.

5. Love requires a state of no-mind.

Love has many enemies that permeate it. If you are in a state of fear, doubt, over-analyzing, over-thinking, expecting or worrying, your love will die.

Only a state of no-mind can let love grow. Our ego loathes love, therefore it will try its best to kill it, remove it from its roots and throw it quite away from us.

Be aware of destructive thoughts for indeed they are destructive. They are able to create a whole new story in your head without anyone’s consensus.

6. Awareness is major.

Just like awareness is key in our everyday life, it is also pivotal in love. Bringing awareness to our relationship is casting direct light on our being. It must be cultivated inside us and around us.

Always remember, if one partner is aware enough and conscious enough, he will indirectly reflect it to the other. Set a good example in your relationship so people and your partner can learn from you.

Moreover, the absence of awareness between two people creates dependency, false assumptions and unhappiness. It will sabotage any innate connection between the two of you.

7. Love yourself before loving anyone.

We sometimes underestimate the power of loving ourselves. Loving yourself is radical.

How can we expect to give love to another if we have problems loving ourselves? Most people step into a relationship presuming that the love they will receive will make them love themselves and life. But it’s a fallacy.

In no time we will realize that there is a problem from an unknown origin and—in the same token—we will feel like we are the problem.

In fact the problem is that there isn’t enough love inside of us. And this will result in not being able to love anyone or anything.

8. The one doesn’t exist.

I blame Hollywood for this one. We have learned that there is the one for each one of us and this is majorly wrong.

There is no one perfect for us. We make ourselves perfect for each other. In other words we create the one.

This is the reason why so many people don’t get into relationships. They are simply waiting for that perfect person who suits them 100%. He/she has to suit you of course but the rest is amending, building and fixing. And this is when the one you are with becomes the one.

9. Detach yourself from your partner.

Don’t panic- this one’s beautiful. One of the false beliefs we unconsciously learned from our background is that love is attachment. I just said unconsciously because we don’t realize how much we are attached to our partner till the hour of separation.

Attachment works like a drug. If you don’t take the drug you will have all the symptoms of neediness. And relationships with strong attachments will always leave you sad once they end.

The beauty of detachment in a relationship is immense. Detachment makes you feel liberated and comfortable. This is true for your partner. The good news is that detachment is true love. If you are attached to your partner—always expecting him to be by your side and so on—you are being selfish and minding your own needs; you are attached.

Detachment is letting the other person be and minding his own happiness as well, even if this means letting him/her go.

10. Don’t fall in love. Be in love.

The beauty of being in love outweighs any false lingering or attachment. Most of the time we confuse attachment with caring, independence with overstepping boundaries and lust for love.

When we are in love, we just are. The life we were leading before our partner came along is still ongoing.

We don’t subtract anything, rather we add someone whom we are ready to share our completeness with.

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

This article can also be found on Elephant Journal.